mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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