just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just pee around me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
