The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
