you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
