I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
