Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
are you so shy because you have an std?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
