I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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