new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
