He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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