Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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