Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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