when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
