if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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