he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
