my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
