peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He kissed a someone with a penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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