Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
