11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
