does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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