I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
