She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
