Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
