just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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