I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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