so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?