I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss