Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.