You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.