Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.