My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
