Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.