I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.