Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"