Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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