I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
