why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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