Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
