omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
