fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
