so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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