Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Bring me that man meat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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