Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
