i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
