I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sarcasm needs its own font
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
