The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
