I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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