checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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