i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
