he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
