After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
