nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
