if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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