He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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