i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
