Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
