I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
