tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
