Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
its liver damage thursday
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