1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
