hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
