she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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