marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
