i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
