bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
