I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
