In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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