the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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