fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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