i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
