We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
