is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
