im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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