The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
